Dagnydarling's Blog

Still Single? Shocking.

Posted in Letters to Nobody by dagnydarling on January 29, 2011

To all the girls who love to frantically dance to the following lyrics in the middle of the bar:

If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it.

Dont be mad cuz he seen it and he wants it.

Stop.   Stop it right now.  If he did in fact like it, then he probably would have put a ring on it.  And no, no he is not mad because some equally sloppy drunk is now humping you from behind in the middle of the bar.

And what is the point of that dance?  Flipping your hand repeatedly in your face to verify that, nope, still no ring.  Damn, no ring when I hold it that way either… it’s not actually a dance move so much as it is something that people in psychiatric wards probably do.  But hey, you are at least sending the message loud and clear that you are still very single.

You do not look like Beyonce.  You look like an idiot.  Put your (still ring-less) hand down and get married the old fashioned way: by getting yourself knocked up and cornering him into marriage.

*Inspired by the lovely woman who knocked my drink over while channeling Miss Knowles*